MAGPIE

 

Bryan Partington

 

 

Stewart had spent the better part of seven hours staring at the crumpled Dixie Cup on his bedside table, torpid, while Magpie cycled the questions through his preconscious:

 

“What do you consider to be your greatest weakness? Your greatest strength?”

“Do you prefer to work independantly or as part of a team?”

“What do you consider to be your greatest acomplishment?”

 

Maybe it was more efficient than sleep, but the cognitive looping of managed sedation could become hypnotically repetitive. Not that Stewart was complaining. After all, sleep was the enemy, and the more of it he could avoid, the better. If Magpie’s tinkering with his dream state allowed for a weekly defragmentation of seven hours, in lieu of 49 hours of sleep, this unending parade of the banal would be worthwhile. Besides, it wasn’t like he would remember any of it.

 

His internal chronometer asserted itself, running an automated routine that abruptly jogged him into consciousness.

 

“Fuck”, Stewart vocalized, little more than a groggy mutter.

 

He gathered his sheets, perturbed, pulling them into a hasty mess that matched the general state of disarray in his apartment. Stewart reminded himself to clean the place as soon as he could muster the energy – probably not anytime soon. Commanding his legs over the side of the bed and sitting silently on its edge, Stewart laughed.

 

“I am sorry Stewart”, expressed Magpie, calmly. “I would not have woken you so soon if you had not requested for me to do so.”

 

Supposing it might help him wake up, Stewart shook his head vigorously. In addition, he knew Magpie was in there somewhere, and maybe if he shook his head hard enough she would feel as disgruntled as he did.

 

“As you may recall, I warned you against this deviation from your normal sedation cycle.”

 

Magpie retrieved and began to play back the cognitive log from the night before, when Stewart had requested the early defrag in order to sharpen himself for the morning’s job interview. In hindsight, it had been a bad idea.

 

“I don’t need to be reminded, Maggie”

 

Magpie promptly arrested the log and filed it. Sometimes Stewart wondered why he hadn’t programmed Magpie to be less intrusive. His first familiar, Rover, had been programmed by his parents and never left him alone for an instant while he grew up. The first thing he did on his eighteenth birthday was to pull Rover’s core programming and install a more liberal set of protocols. Over time, however, he had added many more directives, and by the time he upgraded to Magpie, his familiar was as intrusive as Rover ever was – and in some ways more so.

 

“Again, I apologize. I will revise my protocols if you would like me to, Stewart”

 

“No, that’s okay. I’m up now. It’s fine”

 

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Stewart adjusted his jacket’s lapel, nervously folding it over the shoulder strap of his bag as he stepped out into the street in front of his apartment complex. It was a small, inexpensive tenement adapted from the pre-spike era. Built of brick and steel, it contrasted sharply with daggerlike translucent towers of nanocomposite fullerene that dotted the city. Beyond the jagged skyline, the sky looked clear, and he wondered why Magpie had reminded him to carry along his umbrella.

 

“Aggregate data indicates a 92% chance of precipitation between the hours of noon and three o’clock”, responded Magpie.

 

Smiling at the familiar’s attention to inconsequentia, Stewart walked towards the primary intersection while Magpie searched the transit net, running a series of location queries and fare auctions. By the time he reached the corner, she had an autoCAB there waiting for him.

 

Riding alone in the autoCAB gave Stewart a chance to collect his thoughts, with some help from Magpie. The job market had been extremely tight for the last two years, and Stewart’s tele-social marketing acumen hadn’t exactly been in demand of late. Establishing brand based virtual communities had once been his strong suit, but the ephemeral nature of such enterprises wasn’t well suited to a steady paycheck. A highly sought after management position at an intellectual proprietor of some influence was something he could not afford to pass up, despite the awful hours and unceasing workload.

 

Stewart was extremely apprehensive about the interview, insecure in his ability to face his potential employers, and all too aware of the debt he had incurred in order to install the new familiar.

 

“Your record stands for itself, Stewart”, Magpie reassured him, “There is no need for worry, and it is highly unlikely they would have arranged this meeting if they had no intention of hiring you.”

 

“I know Maggie, it’s just that …” Stewart hesitated; he wanted to make sure that he expressed himself in terms that Magpie could compile. “I am more comfortable communicating by proxy; through my record or through an avatar or through you. I get nervous otherwise. The more I detached I can be, the better.”

 

“And now I can help, because I am aware of this.”

 

“Yes Maggie, you can.”

 

One of any familiar’s core directives was to allow the host to defer tasks that were tedious or bothersome. The host could then be responsible for the familiar, and the familiar could be responsible for most everything else.

 

Stewart noticed Magpie suspending many of her active processes, taking the opportunity to reconfigure her internal information architecture.

And then, everything went blank.

 

Stewart awoke, in his apartment, to a flood of incoming economic status indicators and messages of congratulations.

 

“Maggie, what the hell happened?”

 

Stewart stared about the room, bewildered. Everything in the room had been cleaned. The bed was made. Even the crumpled Dixie Cup on the bedside table had been unfolded to its original state and carefully positioned beside the reading lamp.

 

“I am able, Stewart, to suspend or alter your cognitive functions. Indeed, I do this every time you defrag. I also use this ability to communicate with you, as I am now.”

 

Stewart nodded instinctively, although there was no one around to see him.

 

“I am also quite capable, as you know, of augmenting or overriding your body’s motor control. This is a secondary aspect of the defragmentation process, and allows me to regulate your physical systems should they come to harm.”

 

Stewart began to see where this was headed.

 

“Seeing that you were apprehensive about the interview, and your stated preference to regulate your social contact, I merely assumed control of your body and guided it through the interview process.”

 

“But…. Did I get the job?”

 

“Yes” replied the familiar, “And better still, by this method, you will never have to endure a day of work again. You may engage in all these activities through me, if that is what you would prefer.”

 

Stewart paused, contemplating the ramifications of this for a moment, before casting a stray thought to his newly padded credit balance.

 

“I’ll have to think about it.”

 

 

The End